Halloween Tat

I have to declare I’m not a lover of Halloween these days.  I’m utterly depressed by the annual growth in disposable tat, and the increasing grisliness of the costumes. Call me super-sensitive, but I’m not a great fan of seeing my gorgeous, fresh-faced children dressed as corpses. Here they are in this year’s dreadful outfits; the only saving grace is that 90% of what you see here is re-used from previous occasions. You’re welcome, Mother Earth. You’re welcome, bank balance.

So I’ll say Bah Humbug, or whatever the Halloween equivalent is (Bah Special Edition Pumpkin-Themed Haribo, presumably), and leave the poem to say the rest…


Halloween Tat

There’s nothing more tatty than Halloween tat,
A bent plastic broomstick, a Styrofoam cat,
A bad rubber mask of Vlad the Impaler,

Get it all now from your nearest retailer!

Come on consumers! Now now, don’t be sceptical,
Buy all your crap for the Halloween festival,
Googly eyes, all squidgy and spherical,
Musical witch-hats (now they are hysterical),
Transform yourself to a fake plastic spectacle,
Bugs on your earlobes and bats on your testicles,
Let’s all make Poundland so much more investible,

What better use for our scarce petrochemicals?

So dress up your grandchildren as the undead,
Don’t they look cute with fake blood on their heads,
And as Halloween ends, and you turn out the light,

Have sweet dreams of landfill. How scary. Night night.


©️ Nina Parmenter 2017

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